Poster

Fifth Draft

Script (Final Draft)

EXT.  CHURCH – DAY

Church bells can be heard as well as the sound of rain, besides that it is silent, there are no cars driving past despite the church being in the middle of town, rain is shown coming down heavily.

INT. A BUSY CAFÉ – DAY

An elderly man can be seen amongst many people, drinking their morning coffee and eating their breakfast, he is reading ‘The Sun’ newspaper, however looking disinterested, as he turns the page the front cover can be seen, ‘MISSING TEEN FOUND IN WOODS’. The picture shown on the front is a 17 year old boy (Dan), next to his photo is a photo of the police in the woods with crime scene tape around the area.

INT. A CHURCH – DAY

A priest is shown reading from the bible. Dan’s funeral is taking place. Amongst the crowd, there are many people sobbing, all looking upset. In the front row, three boys can be seen (Olly, Liam and Cal), each dressed in black suits with a white shirt and black tie, one of the boys, slightly shorter than the other two (Liam) isn’t wearing a tie and has his shirt unbuttoned at the top, he has messy dark blonde hair and pale skin, along with what look like hand-me-down shoes, he looks rather scruffy, next to him is Olly and Cal, both dressed much smarter than him, Olly has dark skin and a short neatly cut afro, Cal has tanned skin and dark brown hair which is styled neatly into a quiff. Next to the three of the boys is a girl with bright ginger hair tied back in a neat bun, dressed in a black dress to her knees (Mel), wiping her tears from her eyes – the four of them are 17 and 18 years old however Olly looks much older, along with a woman who appears to be in her forties and a man much younger than her who is her husband (Dan’s Mum and step Dad), both also dressed in black. As the service ends and people begin to leave the church, Liam, Olly and Cal approach Dan’s Mother, step father and Mel.

Liam taps Dan’s Mother on the shoulder anxiously. As she turns around he gives her a small smile.

LIAM

Alright? Erm (Stutters) Miss

Green?

Olly and Cal whisper amongst each other

CAL(Smirks)

                        ‘Alright?’

OLLY(grins)

                        Shut up

CAL

(whispers to Liam) It’s ‘Mrs’

 you dick

Mrs Green gives Liam a cold stare before replying.

MRS GREEN

                        (She snaps at him)Yes!

Liam and Cal exchange glances

OLLY

                        (Sympathetically) 

Erm, we just wanted to see how

you’re doing?

MRS GREEN

(Sobbing as she snaps angrily at him) How I’m doing? My son has just been found murdered. And you’re asking ‘how I’m doing’. (Raises her voice) How do you think I’m doing?

The three of them pause, unsure how to respond. Mel puts her arm round Mrs Green.

                              LIAM

(Whispering to Cal, sounding confused) Geez… (Pauses) What did we do?                             

                             

                              MEL

                         Emma, why don’t you go talk

                         to Father Thomas?

Mrs Green smiles at Mel and nods her head before going to speak to Father Thomas, a kind looking priest.

                              MEL

                         Look, I know you’s are just

                         trynna be nice and that but… 

                         Dan’s Mums been through a lot,

                         you know how she felt about you

                         lot so I don’t reckon now’s the

                         best time to chat with her.

Liam, Olly and Cal nod in agreement and Cal squeezes her hand and smiles at her.

                              MEL

                         I’ll meet you at the warehouse   

                         after, okay?                 

She gives an apologetic smile to the three of them.

                              OLLY

                         Sure (he nods at Mel)

Slow music is played (piano) which sets the feeling as sad as the three of them are shown leaving the church.

EXT. CHURCH – DAY

The three of them stop as they leave the church and exchange looks with each other, the music quietens.

                              OLLY

Warehouse?

                              CAL & LIAM

(simultaneously)

Warehouse.

EXT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE – DAY

The music becomes more upbeat then showing an establishing shot of an abandoned warehouse, surrounded by several other abandoned smaller buildings and a large field, the entrance is surrounded by a metal fence with a hole ripped through it, with a padlock over the door, as they reach the entrance, Olly pulls a key out of his pocket and before unlocking it he checks to see if anyone can see them.

INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE – DAY

As the three of them walk in, they walk up a staircase before reaching a room, they walk in and two old sofas and a lot of empty beer cans and food wrappers can be seen cluttered in a corner on the floor. Liam grabs a surprisingly new looking electric guitar from behind the sofa and sits down as Cal sits beside him. Olly opens a shabby fridge in the corner of the room and pulls out three cans of fosters, passing 2 of them to Liam and Cal before joining them on one of the sofas and opening his can. The music fades out.

                           

                           

                           OLLY

                        So… You reckon United are

                        gonna win on Saturday?

Liam rolls his eyes and takes a swig of beer.

                            CAL

                        Against City? No chance mate,

                        got money on that match anyway

                        me.

                            OLLY

                        You joking!? City don’t stand a

                        chance man, I’m telling you, you

                        ain’t winning shit off that game.

                            CAL

                        You’re mad you, Liam! What do

                        you reckon, City or United?

Liam places his head in his hands and sighs.

                            LIAM

                        (Muffled as his hands are covering

                        his face) Why the fuck has this                                                                                           ,                       happened to us?

                            OLLY

                         I don’t know man, I just wish

                         It hadn’t.                              

Olly puts his arm around Liam.

                            LIAM

                        He was my best mate, he was our-

Cal interrupts him.

                            CAL

                      Well there’s nothing we can do now

                      Is there, eh?                         

Olly looks at Cal in shock.

                            LIAM

                      We can find the bastard that did

                      this to him.

        CAL

C’mon, us? A bunch of fuck ups?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    (sniggers) How do you expect us to                                  out who killed him? We just need leave it and move on, that’s what he’d want.

                            LIAM

 No. He’d want us to find out who did it, get them locked up, we need to, we could of stopped this, if we’d of just listened to him.

                            CAL

 He was always getting himself into trouble, had it coming to him if you ask me.

                            LIAM

                   How can you say that? (Raises his voice) He was your mate too! Just fucking dare you to say something like that again.

Cal scoughs.

                            OLLY

 Right, calm down. Arguing ain’t gonna solve anything, I mean maybe Cal’s right, if anyone can find out who did this, it ain’t gonna be us, but Cal man, stop being such a dick.

Mel walks in, she still has tears rolling down her face but she manages to crack a small smile at the three boys. She exhales and wipes her eyes, managing not to smudge the black makeup around her eyes.

                            MEL

Trying to sound cheerful)Alright?

Olly glances at Cal and Liam, both looking angry with one another.

                            LIAM

 Actually –

Cal interrupts him

                            CAL

Everything’s fine.

                            MEL

                    People think- (pauses) they think you lot have got somet to do with this you know.

Olly, Liam and Cal all look at each other, with a mix of shock and anger in their faces, for a while no one speaks, Mel doesn’t look at them, keeping her head down as a tear can be seen rolling down her face, however her dark eye makeup is still kept perfect. Olly appears as though he is thinking, unlike Cal and Liam he seems to be remaining calm.

                           LIAM

 Is that a joke? (anger in his voice) people seriously think we’d kill our best mate!?

                           OLLY

 What do you mean ‘something to do with it’?

Cal looks Mel in the eye before speaking to her.

                           CAL

 Yeah, what’s that about?

Still trying to avoid eye contact Mel looks down at her feet as she speaks to the three of them.

                           MEL

 Emma- I mean Dan’s Mum, after the funeral- after you left, she said something about the police, about Dan and she said that-

                           CAL

                    Spit it out then. (snaps at her)

                           OLLY

                    Cal, shut up man. What did she tell

                    you Mel?

                           MEL

 She told me that- that the police were thinking of you as suspects, that since you were the last to see him, that maybe you, erm –

Liam stands up, his facial expression is angry.

                           LIAM

 What? That maybe we cut him up and dumped him in the woods? Why do they think we have somethin’ to do with it?!

                           MEL

 Look I didn’t really ask, okay. She were pretty torn up, her sons just been murdered you know.

                           CAL

 Yeah but, we didn’t do anything you know that… right?

                           MEL

 I’m not stupid, of course I don’t think you had anything to do with it, but they aren’t so sure. Look maybe I shouldn’t of told you.

                           OLLY

 Shouldn’t of told us? What and just let us think everything was fine. Listen, we have nothing to worry about. None of us did anything wrong, our mates gone and that’s it. All we can do is try figure out who did this to him, and hope the bastard gets locked up for a long time.

                          CAL

                    No, we should stay out of it, let the police do their job.

                          LIAM

 Are you kidding me? Do nothing? How can we stay out of it.

                          MEL

 He’s right, it’s better for you if you stay out of the way.

Liam is pacing around the room, he trips over a beer can and Cal sniggers at him. Mel is twiddling her thumbs and still staring at the ground, she sits down on the sofa opposite Cal and Olly. Cal reaches into his pocket for a packet of Lambert and Butler cigarettes before lighting it with an engraved lighter. As he holds it between his thumb and index finger, Mel looks at it.

                          MEL

 That was-

                          OLLY

 Dan’s? Cheeky git was all nabbing mine, thought id do the same.

He smiles at Mel, allowing her to know he was joking, she manages a smile back at him before taking a deep breath.

                          LIAM

                    We aren’t just going to do ‘nothing’ How can we? If you ask me, no one knows, or knew… No one knew Dan better than us, so if not us then who else can figure out what happened to him? We need to get to the bottom of it, I dunno, find his phone, search his room or I dunno. We just have to do something.

                          MEL

 No. He was my boyfriend. We aren’t going to do anything.

                         

                          LIAM

 and he was our friend. If you don’t give a shit what happened to him then you can piss off, we’ll do it on our own. Right Ol’?

                          OLLY

                    Man, don’t…

Olly, Liam and Cal all look at an angry Mel.

                          MEL

                    Don’t give a shit? You know how long they kept me in that police station after you left (she looks up at Liam, an angry look in her eyes), you know how many questions they asked? I had to see his fucking body in pieces, I had to-

Mel starts crying as Cal puts his arm around her in attempt to comfort her, as he gives Liam a cold look. Liam takes a big swig of his beer before throwing the empty can to the pile of empty bottles and cans in the corner of the room.

                         LIAM

                    Maybe I should just go…

                         CAL

                    Yeah, maybe you should mate.

Mel wipes her eyes and stares angrily at Liam.

                         MEL

 No need, I’ll go. Leave you lot to your shitty party, or whatever you call this. (She gives a sarcastic smile to Liam) See you at college.

As Mel storms out of the room, Cal and Olly look at Liam shaking their heads before each opening up a second can of fosters. Liam looks needily at Olly and chews his bottom lip as he sits down with his arms crossed. Cal and Olly still looking at him. Liam loosens the collar even more on his shirt and rolls up the sleeves of his blazer.

                        LIAM

 I should probably go after her shouldn’t I?

                         OLLY

 (Nodding his head) Yeah… probably a good idea.

Focus Group Findings

Focus group findings:

1)      What do you think about the character Liam? – Most people described his character as loveable and that his character was determined to find out what happened to his friend. As this was positive feedback I didn’t change this character in my script.

2)      Did you find the events of the script were too unrealistic? Explain your answer. – Most people said that the storyline wasn’t that realistic however the characters were believable and the description of the setting was realistic. Due to this I didn’t make any changes.

3)      What genre do you think this TV programme represents? Explain your answer. – Most people said they anticipated this as a mystery drama, as this is the genre I was hoping for it to be, therefore I haven’t changed anything.

4)      Explain the character roles you think each character obtains? – Most people said they saw Olly and Mel as secondary characters and Liam and Cal as the main characters, however most people found Liam to be the ‘clumsy one’ who seems to always say the wrong thing, as this is what I was aiming for I am only going to alter Olly’s character as I intended for him to be seen as the leader of the group.

5)      How do you think I can improve my script? – Quite a few people said that there wasn’t much description about the characters appearance, therefore I will add more detail about the way they look.

Fourth Draft

Script (Fourth draft)

EXT. CHURCH – DAY

Church bells can be heard as well as the sound of rain, besides that it is silent, there are no cars driving past despite the church being in the middle of town, rain is shown coming down heavily, then the scene changes. Int. A church, the priest is shown reading from the bible. Dan’s funeral is taking place. In the front row, 3 boys can be seen (Olly, Liam and Cal), each dressed in black suits with a white shirt, one of the boys, slightly shorter than the other two (Liam) isn’t wearing a tie and has his shirt unbuttoned at the top, he has messy dark blonde hair and pale skin, along with what look like hand-me-down shoes, he looks rather scruffy, next to him is Olly and Cal, both dressed much smarter than him. Next to the three of the boys is a girl with bright ginger hair, dressed in a black dress(Mel), along with a woman who appears to be in her forties and a man much younger than her who is her husband (Dan’s Mum and step Dad), both also dressed in black. As the service ends and people begin to leave the church, Liam, Olly and Cal approach Dan’s Mother, step father and Mel.

Liam taps Dan’s Mother on the shoulder anxiously. As she turns around he gives her a small smile.

LIAM

Alright? Erm… Miss Green? (Stutters)

Olly and Cal whisper amongst each other.

MRS GREEN

 Yes? (She snaps at him)

Liam and Cal exchange glances

OLLY

 Erm, we just wanted to see how you’re doing? (Sympathetically)

MRS GREEN

 How I’m doing? My son’s mutilated body has just been found and the police have no idea why, how do you think I’m doing? (sadness in her voice)

Mel puts her arm round Mrs Green.

LIAM

 Geez… what did we do? (Whispering to Cal)

MEL

 Emma, why don’t you go talk to Father Thomas?

Mrs Green smiles at Mel and nods her head before going to speak to Father Thomas, a kind looking priest.

MEL

Dan’s Mums been through a lot, you know how she felt about you lot so I don’t reckon now’s the best time to chat with her.

Liam, Olly and Cal nod at Mel in agreement.

MEL

 I’ll meet you at the warehouse after okay?

She gives an apologetic smile to the three of them.

OLLY

 Sure (he nods at Mel)

Slow music is played (piano) which sets the feeling as sad as the three of them are shown leaving the church and the scene changes, the music becomes more upbeat then showing an establishing shot of an abandoned warehouse, surrounded by several other abandoned smaller buildings and a large field, the entrance is surrounded by a metal fence with a a hole ripped through it, with a padlock over the door, as they reach the entrance, Olly pulls a key out of his pocket and before unlocking it he checks to see if anyone can see them. As the three of them walk in, they walk up a staircase before reaching a room, they walk in and two old sofas and a lot of empty beer cans and food wrappers can be seen cluttered in a corner on the floor. Olly opens a shabby fridge in the corner of the room and pulls out three cans of fosters, passing 2 of them to Liam and Cal before joining them on one of the sofas and opening his can. The music fades out.

EXT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE - DAY

OLLY

 So… You reckon United are gonna win on Saturday?

Liam rolls his eyes and takes a swig of beer.

CAL

 Against City? No chance mate, got money on that match anyway me.

OLLY

 You joking!? City don’t stand a chance man, I’m telling you, you ain’t winning shit off that game.

CAL

 You’re mad you, Liam! What do you reckon, City or United?

Liam places his head in his hands and sighs.

LIAM

 Why the fuck has this happened to us? (Muffled as his hands are covering his face)

OLLY

 I don’t know man, I just wish it hadn’t.

Olly puts his arm around Liam.

LIAM

 He was my best mate, he was our-

Cal interrupts him.

CAL

 Well there’s nothing we can do now is there eh?

Olly looks at Cal in shock.

LIAM

  We can find the bastard that did this to him

CAL

 C’mon, us? A bunch of fuck ups? (sniggers) How do you expect us to find out who killed him? We just need to leave it and move on, that’s what he’d want.

LIAM

 No. He’d want us to find out who did it, get them locked up, we need to, we could of stopped this, if we’d of just listened to him.

CAL

 He was always getting himself into trouble, had it coming to him if you ask me.

LIAM

 How can you say that? He was your mate too! Just fucking dare you to say something like that again. (Raising his voice)

Cal scoughs.

OLLY

 Right, calm down. Arguing ain’t gonna solve anything, I mean maybe Cal’s right, if anyone can find out who did this, it ain’t gonna be us, but Cal man, stop being such a dick.

Mel walks in, she still has tears rolling down her face but she manages to crack a  small smile at the three boys. She exhales and wipes her eyes, managing not to smudge the black makeup around her eyes.

MEL

 Alright? (Trying to sound cheerful)

Olly glances at Cal and Liam, both looking angry with one another.

LIAM

 Actually –

Cal interrupts him

CAL

Everything’s fine.

MEL

 People think you lot have got somet to do with this you know.

Olly, Liam and Cal all look at each other, with a mix of shock and anger in their faces, for a while no one speaks, Mel doesn’t look at them, keeping her head down as a tear can be seen rolling down her face, however her dark eye makeup is still kept perfect. Olly appears as though he is thinking, unlike Cal and Liam he seems to be remaining calm.

LIAM

 Is that a joke? (anger in his voice) people seriously think we’d kill our best mate!?

OLLY

 What do you mean ‘something to do with it’?

Cal looks Mel in the eye before speaking to her.

CAL

 Yeah, what’s that about?

Still trying to avoid eye contact Mel looks down at her feet as she speaks to the three of them.

MEL

 Emma- I mean Dan’s Mum, after the funeral- after you left, she said something about the police, about Dan and she said that-

CAL

 Spit it out then. (snaps at her)

OLLY

 Cal, shut up man. What did she tell you Mel?

MEL

 She told me that- that the police were thinking of you as suspects, that since you were the last to see him, that maybe you, erm –

Liam stands up, his facial expression is angry.

LIAM

 What? That maybe we cut him up and dumped him in the woods? Why do they think we have somethin’ to do with it?!

MEL

 Look I didn’t really ask, okay. She were pretty torn up, her sons just been murdered you know.

CAL

 Yeah but, we didn’t do anything you know that… right?

MEL

 Course not! Look maybe I shouldn’t of told you.

OLLY

 Shouldn’t of told us? What and just let us think everything was fine. Listen, we have nothing to worry about. None of us did anything wrong, our mates gone and that’s it. All we can do is try figure out who did this to him, and hope the bastard gets locked up for a long time.

CAL

 No, we should stay out of it, let the police do their job.

LIAM

 Are you kidding me? Do nothing? How can we stay out of it.

MEL

 He’s right, it’s better for you if you stay out of the way.

Liam is pacing around the room, he trips over a beer can and Cal sniggers at him. Mel is twiddling her thumbs and still staring at the ground, she sits down on the sofa opposite Cal and Olly. Cal reaches into his pocket for a packet of Lambert and Butler cigarettes before lighting it.

LIAM

 We aren’t just going to do ‘nothing’ How can we? If you ask me, no one knows, or knew… No one knew Dan better than us, so if not us then who else can figure out what happened to him? We need to get to the bottom of it, I dunno, find his phone, search his room or I dunno. We just have to do something.

MEL

 No. He was my boyfriend. We aren’t going to do anything.

LIAM

 And he was our friend. If you don’t give a shit what happened to him then you can piss off, we’ll do it on our own. Right Ol’?

OLLY

 Man, don’t…

Olly, Liam and Cal all look at an angry Mel.

MEL

 Don’t give a shit? I had to see his fucking body in pieces, I had to-

LIAM

 Maybe I should just go…

CAL

 Yeah, maybe you should mate.

Mel wipes her eyes and stares angrily at Liam.

MEL

 No need, I’ll go. Leave you lot to your shitty party, or whatever you call this. (Smugly) See you at college.

As Mel storms out of the room, Cal and Olly look at Liam shaking their heads. Liam loosens the collar even more on his shirt and rolls up the sleeves of his blazer.

LIAM

 I should probably go after her shouldn’t I?

OLLY

Yeah… probably a good idea.