Second draft

Script (Second Draft)

Dan’s funeral is taking place. In the front row, 3 boys can be seen (Olly, Liam and Cal), each dressed in black suits with a white shirt, one of the boys, slightly shorter than the other two (Liam) isn’t wearing a tie and has his shirt unbuttoned at the top, along with what look like hand-me-down shoes, he looks rather scruffy, next to him is Olly and Cal, both dressed smarter than him. Next to the boys is a girl with bright ginger hair dressed all in black (Mel), wiping her tears from her eyes, along with a woman who appears to be in her forties and a man much younger than her who is her husband (Dan’s Mum and step Dad), both also dressed in black. As the service ends and people begin to leave the church, Liam, Olly and Cal approach Dan’s Mother, step father and Mel.

LIAM

 Miss Green (he taps Dan’s mother on the shoulder)

MISS GREEN

 Yes? (she gives him a cold look)

Liam and Cal exchange glances.

OLLY

 Erm, we just wanted to see how you’re doing?

MISS GREEN

 How I’m doing? My son’s mutilated body has just been found and the police have no idea why, how do you think I’m doing?

Mel puts her arm round Miss Green.

MEL

 Emma, why don’t you go talk to Father Thomas?

Miss Green smiles at her and walks away.

MEL

Look, Dan’s Mums been through a lot, you know how she felt about you lot so I don’t reckon now’s the best time to chat with her.

Liam, Olly and Cal nod in agreement and Cal squeezes her hand and smiles at her.

Mel

 I’ll meet you at the warehouse after okay?

OLLY

 Sure

The three of them leave and the scene changes, showing an establishing shot of an abandoned ware house with a padlock over the door, as they reach the entrance, Olly pulls a key out of his pocket and before unlocking it he checks to see if anyone can see them. As the three of them walk in, they walk up a staircase before reaching a room, they walk in and two old sofas and a lot of empty beer cans and food wrappers can be seen cluttered in a corner on the floor. Olly opens a shabby fridge in the corner of the room and pulls out 3 beers, passing 2 of them to Liam and Cal before joining them on one of the sofas.

Liam places his head in his hands and sighs

LIAM

 Why the fuck has this happened to us?

OLLY

 I don’t know man, I just wish it hadn’t.

LIAM

 He was my best mate, he was our-

CAL

 Well there’s nothing we can do now is there eh?

Olly looks at him in shock

LIAM

 We can find the bastard that did this to him

CAL

 C’mon, us? A bunch of fuck ups? (sniggers) How do you expect us to find out who killed him? We just need to leave it and move on, that’s what he’d want.

LIAM

 No. He’d want us to find out who did it, get them locked up, we need to, we could of stopped this, if we’d of just listened to him.

CAL

 He was always getting himself into trouble, had it coming to him if you ask me.

LIAM

How can you say that? He was your mate too! Just fucking dare you to say something like that again.

Cal scoughs.

OLLY

 Right, calm down. Arguing ain’t gonna solve anything, I mean maybe Cal’s right, if anyone can find out who did this, it ain’t gonna be us, but Cal man, stop being such a dick.

Mel walks in, she still has tears rolling down her face but she manages a smile at the three boys.

MEL

 Alright?

LIAM

 Actually –

Cal interrupts him.

CAL

 Everything’s fine.

MEL

 People think, (pauses) they think you lot have got somet to do with this you know.

LIAM

 Is that a joke (anger in his voice) people seriously think we’d kill our best mate!?

OLLY

 What do you mean something to do with it?

CAL

 Yeah, what’s that about?

MEL

 Emma, I mean Dan’s Mum, after the funeral, she told me that the police were looking at you as suspects, that since you were the last to see him –

LIAM

 What? That we cut him up and dumped him in the woods? Why do they think we have something to do with it?!

MEL

 Look I didn’t really ask, okay. She were pretty torn up, her sons just been murdered you know.

CAL

 Yeah but, we didn’t do anything you know that… right?

MEL

 I’m not stupid, of course I don’t think you had anything to do with it, but they aren’t so sure. Look maybe I shouldn’t of told you.

OLLY

 Shouldn’t of told us? What and just let us think everything was fine. Listen, we have nothing to worry about. None of us did anything wrong, our mates gone and that’s it. All we can do is try figure out who did this to him, and hope the bastard gets locked up for a long time.

CAL

 No, we should stay out of it, let the police do their job.

LIAM

 Are you kidding me? Do nothing? How can we stay out of it.

MEL

 He’s right, it’s better for you if you stay out of the way.

First Draft

Script (First Draft)

Int. A church, Dan’s funeral is taking place. In the front row, 3 boys can be seen (Olly, Liam and Cal), each dressed in black suits with a white shirt, one of the boys, slightly shorter than the other two (Liam) isn’t wearing a tie and has his shirt unbuttoned at the top, along with what look like hand-me-down shoes, he looks rather scruffy, next to him is Olly and Cal, both dressed smarter than him. Next to the boys is a girl with bright ginger hair dressed all in black (Mel), wiping her tears from her eyes, along with a woman who appears to be in her forties and a man much younger than her who is her husband (Dan’s Mum and step Dad), both also dressed in black. As the service ends and people begin to leave the church, Liam, Olly and Cal approach Dan’s Mother, step father and Mel.

Liam: Miss Green (he taps Dan’s mother on the shoulder)

Miss Green: Yes? (she gives him a cold look)

Liam and Cal exchange glances

Olly: Erm, we just wanted to see how you’re doing?

Miss Green: How I’m doing? My son’s mutilated body has just been found and the police have no idea why, how do you think I’m doing?

Mel puts her arm round Miss Green

Mel: Emma, why don’t you go talk to your husband?

Miss Green smiles at her and walks away

Mel: Look, Dan’s Mums been through a lot, you know how she felt about you lot so I don’t reckon nows the best time to chat with her.

Liam, Olly and Cal nod in agreement and Cal squeezes her hand and smiles at her

Mel: I’ll meet you at the warehouse after okay?

Olly: Sure

The three of them leave and the scene changes, showing an establishing shot of an abandoned ware house with a padlock over the door, as they reach the entrance, Olly pulls a key out of his pocket and before unlocking it he checks to see if anyone can see them. As the three of them walk in, they walk up a staircase before reaching a room, they walk in and two old sofas and a lot of empty beer cans and food wrappers can be seen cluttered in a corner on the floor. Olly opens a shabby fridge in the corner of the room and pulls out 3 beers, passing 2 of them to Liam and Cal before joining them on one of the sofas.

Liam places his head in his hands and sighs

Liam: Why the fuck has this happened to us?

Olly: I don’t know man, I just wish it hadn’t.

Liam: He was my best mate, he was our-

Cal: Well there’s nothing we can do now is there eh?

Olly looks at him in shock

Liam:  We can find the bastard that did this to him

Cal: C’mon, us? A bunch of fuck ups? (sniggers) How do you expect us to find out who killed him? We just need to leave it and move on, that’s what he’d want.

Liam: No. He’d want us to find out who did it, get them locked up, we need to, we could of stopped this, if we’d of just listened to him.

Cal: He was always getting himself into trouble, had it coming to him if you ask me.

Liam: How can you say that? He was your mate too! Just fucking dare you to say something like that again.

Cal scoughs

Olly: Right, calm down. Arguing aint gonna solve anything, I mean maybe Cal’s right, if anyone can find out who did this, it aint gonna be us, but Cal man, stop being such a dick.

Mel walks in, she still has tears rolling down her face but she manages a smile at the three boys.

Mel: Alright?

Liam: Actually –

Cal interrupts him

Cal: Everythings fine.

Mel: People think, (pauses) they think you lot have got somet to do with this you know.

Liam: Is that a joke (anger in his voice) people seriously think we’d kill our best mate!?

Olly: What do you mean something to do with it?

Cal: Yeah, what’s that about?

Mel: Emma, I mean Dan’s Mum, after the funeral, she told me that the police were looking at you as suspects, that since you were the last to see him –

Liam: What? That we cut him up and dumped him in the woods? Why do they think we have something to do with it?!

Mel: Look I didn’t really ask, okay. She were pretty torn up, her sons just been murdered you know.

Cal: Yeah but, we didn’t do anything you know that… right?

Mel: I’m not stupid, of course I don’t think you had anything to do with it, but they aren’t so sure. Look maybe I shouldn’t of told you.

Olly: Shouldn’t of told us? What and just let us think everything was fine. Listen, we have nothing to worry about. None of us did anything wrong, our mates gone and that’s it. All we can do is try figure out who did this to him, and hope the bastard gets locked up for a long time.

Cal: No, we should stay out of it, let the police do their job.

Liam: Are you kidding me? Do nothing? How can we stay out of it.

Mel: He’s right, it’s better for you if you stay out of the way.

Script Analysis

Report on two TV drama programmes

1)The inbetweeners                                                                                                    

-Starts with a narration and music playing

-Establishing shot is shown - at a park

-Four characters are shown throwing a frisbie 

-Three minor characters are introduced at 1:35 minutes

-Scene is changed at 2:13 minutes

-Then again at 3 minutes

-Two more characters are then introduced

-Scene is changed again at 5:30 minutes

-Two more characters are then introduced

-Scene is changed again at 6:26 minutes

-New character is introduced

-New character is introduced at 7:32 minutes

-Scene is changed again at 8:30 minutes.

2)Skins

-Starts with music playing

-One character is shown lying on a bed

-At 49 seconds, another character is shown

-Then 2 more characters

-Scene changes at 2 minutes 54 seconds

-6 more characters are introduced through phone calls

-Scene is changed at 4 minutes 39 seconds 

-3 of previous characters are shown

-2 Minor characters shown

-Music is played as the scene changes again at 6 minutes 14 seconds

-7 of previous characters are shown

-A new character is also introduced

-scene changes once again at 7 minutes 39 seconds.

Evaluation

Evaluation

When creating my own six part TV drama, the first thing I did was write down any ideas I had, I thought about TV programs I enjoy and tried to get ideas from these. I then thought of a plot for my TV drama and then constructed an episode breakdown as well as a description on each of my characters. I then chose the segment of an episode I was going to script.

          When constructing my script, I used five types of research. Firstly, I analysed two scripts, to help me with the layout and content of a script, I also reported on two TV drama programs. I then did some Internet research on how to make a script. Before making any drafts I wrote a questionnaire (which included ten questions) in order to help me with my ideas for characters, setting and plot. After my third draft of my script, I used a focus group to help me assess my script so I was able to make improvements.

          The research I found the most useful when writing my script was the analysis of scripts I did before writing it. I found two examples of scripts on BBC writer’s room and I analysed the content, my Internet research came useful in this as I was unsure what some things meant such as numbers, which indicate the location and scene. It helped me establish the way to layout my script as well as the amount of detail and detail to include. When constructing my script I often referred back to the scripts I had analysed to compare them to my own. As I had never made a script before I was unsure how to set it out and what information should be included. This research helped me with establishing the level of description which should be included when making a script, I had used texts to analyse that I was unfamiliar with, which meant I had no previous knowledge of the characters, setting and plot, therefore I was able to write my own script to a level someone reading it could understand how to follow if they were to act it out.

         When reporting on two TV drama programs I chose to report on Skins and The Inbetweeners as they are popular TV programs and are aimed at a teenage audience which is the same demographic my TV drama is targeted at. Despite this, I didn’t find this research useful as it didn’t affect the way I constructed my script that much. However, it helped me to get an idea of how many scene changes should be included within my script, therefore when finalizing my script I used this research.

          Once I had my initial ideas, I wrote a ten question survey and gave it to ten people to help me expand my ideas and develop my characters. However, I didn’t find this research very useful as it didn’t give me any new ideas, some questions were unanswered such as an idea for a name and much of the feedback I got back was no different to my original ideas. The only factor I found useful from my questionnaire findings was the answer about which gender of characters I should use, as prior to making my questionnaire I was unsure whether male or female characters were more appropriate to my TV programme. Most people answered this saying male, however some people had said female therefore I included one female character alongside three male.

          The internet research I mentioned previously was needed as I was completely unfamiliar with writing scripts, this research told me I should be specific about the type of drama I was writing, which in this case was a mystery-drama. It specified that when writing a script it is important to make characters believable and to reveal them through the story and their action. This allowed me to edit my script and to make improvements when constructing the finalised version.

          Lastly, after my third draft I used a focus group, which helped me to notice any errors with in my script and needs for improvement. The feedback I received from my focus group was mainly positive however I added more detail to the actions of the characters and description of the setting. I also had very few scene changes before this and the feedback mentioned that I should add more scene changes, as the script was supposed to be ten minutes long and the scene was only changed twice. After my focus group findings, my script was improved and more detail was added. Another thing I altered was the role of one of the characters, as when producing my script I had intended for ‘Olly’ to be the ‘leader of the group’ and the feedback I received show this didn’t come across through my script. However three out of the five questions asked gave positive responses – questions about characters, genre and the plot of the script.

          After constructing my script, I developed a DVD cover and poster for my TV drama using Microsoft Publisher. I had decided to use dark colours throughout my DVD cover as dark colours such as black and grey show connotations of evil, as my TV drama focuses around murder I wanted to represent this through my DVD cover, I also included red colours (on the back a blood spatter) which shows connotations of violence, not only through the colour but as people will know it is blood.

          The first thing seen on my DVD cover is the title (WAREHOUSE) which straight away shows that the programme may be set in a warehouse or a warehouse is used as a setting throughout the programme. Inside the ‘O’ in ‘warehouse is a silhouette of a toy soldier, this could indicate that the program is about war, or that the toy soldier represents something in the programme. It also shows connotations of violence, as soldiers are stereotypically associated with this.

          The logo shown in the bottom right corner of the front of the DVD cover is the e4 logo. Channel 4 is a well-known and well-respected institution and is a large broadcast channel. However e4 would usually suggest that the demographic for this programme is teenagers as stereotypically this is the target audience for programmes shown on e4.

          The front cover’s background is a room in an abandoned building; it is washed out so it is harder to see the whole photograph properly, which may also suggest the programme is a mystery, as the photograph on the front is unclear. There isn’t much colour used on the front cover, despite a puddle of blood inside the photograph. Blood could suggest connotations of death, allowing the viewer of this DVD cover to establish the plot of the programme. The editing used on this photo could suggest it was harder to make and more time was spent on it, which may make someone want to watch it more.

          The age certificate shown on the front and side of the DVD cover is ‘18’ which also shows that the target audience may be older teenagers as it is deemed inappropriate for younger people. This is also shown on the back of the cover which says the programme includes violence and strong language (explaining why the TV programme is rated an 18 certificate).

          The words ‘critically acclaimed’ shown on the description on the back as well as the 4 star rating, suggest the programme is worth watching. This entices an audience to want to watch the programme.  

         The photograph shown on the back cover is in black and white, old mystery films are often produced in these colours which also gives away connotations of mystery and allows for a demographic audience of fans of this particular genre. The character shown within this photograph appears to also show connotations of mystery as their face is covered with a mask as well as their body covered by a large coat, the gender of the character cannot be established through studying the picture.  They are also using direct mode of address facing the audience, wearing a smug smile indicating they have done something to be smug about. Some people may view this as creepy as the character is stood directly facing the audience.

          As there is not much detail included on the front cover it could suggest that the programme is confident, in that not much needs to be included for them to gain viewers. It also doesn’t look over crowded and sets an enigma of what the programme could be about.

Initial ideas

 4 characters: 3 boys (main characters), 1 girl (secondary character)

Manchester at a college

Prior to the events of the TV drama, one of their friends was murdered and the drama revolves around them finding out what really happened.

Olly – the leader of the group. Dark skinned, short black afro hair, very tall, dresses quite chavy.

Cal – the ‘ladies man’. Tanned skin, dark styled hair, blue eyes, tall, dresses well and takes care in his appearance.

Liam – the clumsy one of the group. Quite pale skin, sandy brown hair, wears glasses, green eyes, medium height, wears whatever he can find, doesn’t take much pride in his appearance.

Mel – the alternative one. Quite tanned skin, bright long ginger hair, has a nose piercing, brown eyes, short, dresses ‘uniquely’.

Dan – their friend that died as well as Mel’s boyfriend.

Episode breakdown:

1)      Starts in the woods were children are playing on a play area and accidentally discover part of Dan’s body , then it goes to the police station were the 4 friends are being interviewed regarding his disappearance as they have no leads on it, they all tell the police what happened when they last saw him and a flashback of each of these moments.

2)      Starts at Dan’s funeral, his Mother blames them for what happened to him, afterwards they go to a warehouse, a place they go to often, and talk about how people think they were responsible for his death, when Liam gets home he has a letter at his door, inside is one of the toy soldiers he Dan, Cal and Olly had when they were younger, on the bottom is written ‘DAN’ a flashback is then shown of the four of them playing with the toys, when he tells Cal, he assures him nothing is wrong.

3)      First day back at college after half term and Olly hasn’t seen the rest of the gang since Dan’s funeral, they are discussing the letter that Liam got, This becomes an argument between Cal and Liam and Cal over reacts and storms off. The other 3 then discuss how Cal had been acting different ever since Dan went missing. Then goes to a flash back of Dan and Cal having an argument just before Dan went missing.

4)      Cal hasn’t been in college all week and Mel, Liam and Olly all seem to think he’s hiding something. In the common room, Olly and Liam float the idea that he may have had something to do with Dan’s murder, at this point Mel starts crying, grieving over Dan’s death. Olly and Liam then say they are going to get to the bottom of what happened, Mel says she wants no part of it and walks off. When the two of them show up at Cal’s house he is acting suspicious, hiding his computer screen and tells them to leave.

5)      With Cal isolated from the group and Mel not speaking to them, Liam and Olly work together to try and figure out what happened to Dan, with their suspicions that Cal has something to do with it, they visit the woods where his body was found and find his phone and go through his old messages, they find texts from an unknown number, threatening him to do things such as steal money etc. The unknown number also says they know about him cheating on Mel with a girl called Amy and more secrets even Liam and Olly didn’t know. When walking around the woods the two find another of the toy soldiers which they assume to be Cals.

6)      Liam and Olly show up at Cal’s house again but this time he isn’t home, then shown is Cal talking on the phone to someone, telling them he knows they killed Dan and to meet him at an abandoned warehouse later that night. Meanwhile Cal and Olly bump into Mel and they tell her everything they know and believing them she says she wants to help find him. Later that night Olly receives a phone call from Mel telling him and Liam to meet her and she is crying down the phone, when they arrive they see Cals dead body with a gun shot through his head and a short figure wearing a mask stood emotionless next to him, the figure removes the mask and it is Mel. She then points a gun at the two of them and explains how and why she did it, the episode ends with her firing her gun.

Questionnaire & Findings

Questionnaire:

1)      Do you prefer male or female lead characters?

A)Male        B)Female

2)      Which genre of TV programme do you prefer to watch?

A)Drama     B)Mystery     C)Comedy   

D)Sci-Fi      E)Soap           F)Action

3)      For a six part TV drama based on a group of friends solving their friends murder, how old do you think the characters should be?

      A) 15-16      B)17-18        C)19-20

4)  Do you think this is a good idea for a TV programme?

5)  What do you think a good name would be?

6)  What do you think is a good running time for each episode?

7)   Do you think characters should be from different ethnic groups?

8)  Between a council estate where the characters live and a college which do you              think is better for a ‘main’ setting?

9)  How long do you think the programme should be set out over?

     A)1-3 weeks B)A month   C)Other?

10) Would you watch this?

Findings:

1)80% of people said male, whereas only 20% said female, therefore my main characters are mostly male.

2)15% said Drama, 25% said mystery, 25% said comedy, 10% said action, 15% said Sci-Fi, 20% said soap. Using these statistics I will use my original ideas and make my TV programme a mystery drama.

3)70% said 17-18 was the best age range for characters, 25% said 19-20 and only 5% said 15-16, using this information I will make my characters 17-18 years old.

4)90% said they liked my idea for a TV programme, therefore I will use this idea.

5)I found no helpful feedback from this question.

6)Most people said 30 minutes was the best running time for an episode, I will do this.

7)Everyone said it was a good idea to use characters from different ethnic groups, I have made my characters fit this.

8)The majority of people said that college was a better setting for the TV drama, therefore a college setting is included.

9)Most people said that setting my TV programme over a month was the best option, I think I will go along with this.

10)Most people said they would watch this, therefore I will stick to my initial idea.